thefirstevil: Bah, Humbug

The First (

thefirstevil) wrote,
@ 2003-02-12 16:28:00

Current mood:	grumpy
Current music:	definitely not a schmoopy love song, dammit

Bah, Humbug
Why did I ever come up with Valentine's Day? It's only fun to depress people without significant others when they're not me. Even Buffy's pathetic little crew are all loved-up and snuggly. Should have invented a holiday centred around being mean to small animals or bleached blondes.

Not having a good week. Can't even decide if I want Spike dead or not. Crawly little what's-his-name seems to have grown a pair (dammit) and couldn't even shoot a few measly whining teens for his ex-employer, who cared for him and... did other things not to be mentioned ever again. On the plus side, may have new minion in form of hot high-school principal - yes! Though going by recent run of luck, gentle pointing-in-direction-of-Spike will lead to tragic staking of Billy Idol, since my minions tend not to be v. intelligent.

Also, who's been playing with my Seal? (Danzalthar one, not mildly popular singer of "Kiss From a Rose")

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Ewww...you're so evil!

(Anonymous)
2003-02-12 09:15 am UTC (link)

OMG, I'm sorry...but only the most horrible evil could be responcible for the SORRY SHAPE our poor Xander has plumped into. I fondly remember the good ol' days...Xander was on the swim team, and he was sorta dreamy, I suppose. I mean, what the hell was going on last night? Seems like Xander's been munching down on too many jelly doughnuts down at the construction site OR SOMETHING...what have you done?! This must all be part of that "from beneath you, it devours" thing. I mean, you're certainly going to have a mouth full with Xander there. Also, WHY did that girl go on a date with him? I mean...yah, I get the whole demon attraction thing, but at some point, you have to wonder what they see in the guy. You have some interesting methods, First...that's for damn sure.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: Ewww...you're so evil! -

immortalslayer, 2003-02-12 11:34 am UTC

Re: Ewww...you're so evil! -

tamz1976, 2003-02-20 09:42 pm UTC

	Bringers' footwear (Anonymous) 2003-02-12 09:22 am UTC (link)
	You ought to have a word with those Bringers about their footwear -- squeaky shoes don't help your cause! Who's in charge of issuing apparel anyway? (Reply to this)

	ex_seniorpar55 2003-02-12 09:34 am UTC (link)
	On Pylea we have a holiday quite similar to your Valentine's Day except we call it Mandatory Breeding Day. It is a magical day filled with romance, passion and ritual executions of those who fail to comply. (Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) -

singindemonhq, 2003-02-12 10:19 am UTC

Re: - ex_seniorpar55, 2003-02-12 11:25 am UTC

(no subject) -

singindemonhq, 2003-02-12 12:06 pm UTC

Re: - ex_seniorpar55, 2003-02-12 12:21 pm UTC

(no subject) -

singindemonhq, 2003-02-12 12:39 pm UTC

Re: - ex_seniorpar55, 2003-02-12 12:54 pm UTC

(no subject) -

singindemonhq, 2003-02-12 01:23 pm UTC

Re: - ex_seniorpar55, 2003-02-12 01:29 pm UTC

(no subject) -

singindemonhq, 2003-02-12 02:35 pm UTC

GAH! - (Anonymous), 2003-02-12 09:09 pm UTC

Re: GAH! - (Anonymous), 2003-02-12 11:28 pm UTC

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2003-02-12 11:10 pm UTC

Re: - ex_seniorpar55, 2003-02-13 10:01 am UTC

Cordy's brighter than we all thought - (Anonymous), 2003-02-20 04:55 am UTC

(no subject) -

singindemonhq, 2005-02-19 01:14 am UTC

ummm what? - (Anonymous), 2003-02-12 09:06 pm UTC

Re: ummm what? - (Anonymous), 2003-02-12 11:16 pm UTC

	Marry me! barbed_whispers 2003-02-12 10:46 am UTC (link)
	I'll be your Valentine, and then you won't be lonely! Then we can mock people who don't have valentines! It'll be great fun :D (Reply to this)

Seal of Whosit
(Anonymous)
2003-02-12 11:34 am UTC (link)

Rumour has it that becoming evil bumps the I.Q. way up. One can extrapolate, then, that being the FIRST evil would make you the most intelligent consciousness ever...so why, oh evil one, did you not take advantage of the Turok-Han dispenser and make a few spares? Ubie could have had roommates, he wouldn't have felt the lonely rage of an, unintelligible, only child. Maybe he could have made more of himself; self-actualization through interaction with others. Very shortsighted on your part.

(Reply to this)

	Out of touch cloakeddeity 2003-02-12 12:36 pm UTC (link)
	So much for your mind controlling abilities. You seem to be loosing touch of it. Whats wrong? Lloyd troubles? (Reply to this)

	_bizarre_kid_ 2003-02-12 01:00 pm UTC (link)
	you're so evil trying to get my andrew...DAMN U..AND LEAVE CHOA AHN ALONE SHE ROX! (Reply to this)

iblis_kukl
2003-02-12 01:07 pm UTC (link)

Though going by recent run of luck, gentle pointing-in-direction-of-Spike will lead to tragic staking of Billy Idol, since my minions tend not to be v. intelligent.

Yeah, well rumor has it Billy stole his look and his entire act from the erstwhile William the Bloody anyway.

Glad you're back though Eve (can I call you Eve?) That principal guy will crack sooner or later, keep working on him.

iblis (the funkiest evil) }()+

(Reply to this)

	All the most evil are doing it wordsmithslash 2003-02-12 01:37 pm UTC (link)
	Buck up, oh First one. Valentine's Day isn't here yet, there's still time to get a date with Xander. Rumor is he gives off some evil attracting pheromones. WS (Reply to this)

What on the Hellmouth are you thinking, dear?

(Anonymous)
2003-02-12 01:50 pm UTC (link)

A gun?!? I'm beginning to think you've spent too much time as Warren Meers. A gun, and in the hands of Andrew, at that. What precisely made you think he could even hit the Summers house while he's standing inside it? Really, you must work on your plotting. I can think of at least two better options:

1) Have him bring them down a batch of poisoned lemonade during their workout, or

2) Have him summon something exceptionally large and nasty to eat them all. He is a demon wrangler, after all; use his natural talents.

Of course, it's all moot now that he's decided to play Slayer's Pet. Better luck with your minions next time, and do give me a call. I do hope you're not terribly offended by a little constructive criticism; we've missed you at the book club, and the ritual bloodlettings definitely benefit from your presence.

(Reply to this)

What's all this?
(Anonymous)
2003-02-12 02:19 pm UTC (link)

What in Hell is all this talk about Valentines Day, and whats-his-name? What about the SQUEAKY SHOES? That is what I'm curious about. How could Giles, of all people, take out a Harbinger he didn't even know about until his SHOES SQUEAKED? I thought you had those Bringers trained to go BAREFOOT on stealth missions.

You may be losing your touch, FE. Not good.

Also, why exactly didn't you realize Andrew was wearing a wire BEFORE you started talking to him? It's not like there were any distractions of the Spike type around to stop you from noticing. Or even that Slayer-wannabe mamas-boy principal.

Really, though, FE, if you're losing your grip, some of us would love to help. And no, this is not an attempt to move up the ranks.

Sincerely,

The 57th Evil.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: What's all this? -

the23rdevil, 2003-02-12 04:17 pm UTC

Re: What's all this? - (Anonymous), 2003-02-12 09:51 pm UTC

	If you need any help killing Andrew evil_willow 2003-02-12 08:32 pm UTC (link)
	Don't hesitate to ask-have been dreaming about slaughtering that worthless Trekkie geek for awhile anow so I have plenty of ideas-MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! (Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: If you need any help killing Andrew -

lots42, 2003-02-12 09:52 pm UTC

Re: If you need any help killing Andrew - evil_willow, 2003-02-13 05:53 am UTC

Re: If you need any help killing Andrew - vampireeat, 2003-02-17 06:22 am UTC

And why is it...
(Anonymous)
2003-02-12 09:14 pm UTC (link)

I can understand the squeaky shoes. Shoes which don't squeak are hard to come by, especially for non-corporeal manifestations of pure, unadulterated evil. And I don't expect many shoe stores in Hell, at that.

Still a crappy way to have your plans fail though. I was expecting Giles to at least see the reflection of the Harbinger in the injured man's eye, or for him to at least follow the injured man's eye movement. That would have been cool... but squeaky shoes... damn.

But in the past, haven't you sent, you know, more than one guy on these missions. Surely Giles would have been dead right now, if there were more Harbingers there to finish the job. Labor shortage maybe?

(Reply to this)

	lots42 2003-02-12 09:54 pm UTC (link)
	Style points for looking like Bug-Eyed Dead Jonathan but it didn't really make much sense. Poor Jonathan was stabbed in the stomach... (Reply to this)

(Anonymous)
2003-02-12 11:35 pm UTC (link)

The squeeky shoes? Really, Firsty, you could have tried harder. You still buying K-Mart? Honey, that's yesterday. You should have gone with mindless drones like me. They aren't much on the conversation, but at least they do their job. Big tower in the middle of town without the slayer's pals noticing, now that is amazing. You can't even kill the whiny slayer brats!

No wonder that witch always wins the award.

~ Glorificus, who says less boring and more disemboweling is a good thing.

(Reply to this)

	darn (Anonymous) 2003-02-13 11:38 am UTC (link)
	....alas. if only that damned bringer hadn't worn those damned shoes... i can picture giles' hand going through spike...that would have been awesome to see... (Reply to this)

Greetings from the Underworld
(Anonymous)
2003-02-13 02:12 pm UTC (link)

Dear FE,

Sorry I haven't written sooner. So much to do since I arrived, I just haven't had a minute to call my own. The last manager really let the place go to Heaven, and what with whipping the help into shape and giving the slackers the ax (both activities great fun, but I'm not here on vacation), I haven't even had time to unpack. But enough about my problems.

I thought we agreed to let the shirtless vamp live. He has his uses. As for what's-his-name, here's a thought - run a Star Trek marathon with subliminal messages. He'll be glued to the screen and killing the whineabees in no time flat. Do not, I implore you, be distracted by the principal! Slayerspawn is never to be relied upon. But you don't need me to tell you what to do - just listen to your evil inner promptings and you won't go wrong.

I do have a question about recent happenings up there in SunnyHell, though. Why did you let that demon chick mess about with the Seal? I was never more horrified than when I heard they'd chopped off poor Ralphie's arm! He was such a talented pianist. He could have gone far, but now all the family hopes for him have been dashed. Aunt Gertrude may never recover from the shock.

Well, back to the salt mines. (Three of them, in fact. One of my best sources of revenue.) I'm sending you a little gift to cheer you up. I won't tell you what it is, but here's a hint - it will bring back the true meaning of Valentine's Day. You know, before certain card companies perverted it with those cute, paper hearts.

Love and kisses,
Ubie

Seventh Circle of Hell
Realm of the Underworld
(Where the elite meet to enjoy the heat!)

(Reply to this)

	(Anonymous) 2003-02-13 02:37 pm UTC (link)
	YOU ARE A JACK-ASS just thought I'd point that out Brat (Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - (Anonymous), 2003-02-14 10:36 am UTC

Valentine's Day Massacre.....

(Anonymous)
2003-02-15 09:29 am UTC (link)

.... its really what's needed to cheer everyone up. I mean Valentine's Day is such a pathetic holiday. I would so have preferred a "Be Mean To Bleached Blondes" Day. But I guess you are evil and that would have brought far too much joy to us plebs.

I must say that the subliminal messages in Star Trek episodes does sound like a perfect way to get Andrew over to your side. Never know, might turn Xander over to the side of evil too... though with his ineptitude you probably wouldn't want him. Although I would think the same could be said for Andrew. And he is annoying the Slayer quite well, keep him there for much longer, with the overcrowding and the upcoming messed up love life, and "lil miss thinks she's so important" might just go nuts and kill Andrew and the Potentials for you. Might be funny to watch too.

Oh well I think I might just leave you with those happy thoughts.
Moonlight.

(Reply to this)

	If you want to be mean to small furry animals... (Anonymous) 2003-02-15 12:04 pm UTC (link)
	Try this. This is totally evil. http://squeee.warpedtime.com/FallinCritterz.html (Reply to this)

	The Evil Day (Anonymous) 2003-02-15 10:02 pm UTC (link)
	Well to make you feel better FE, the day was pure misery for me. After finding my significant other with another girl 2 weeks ago, I brought the day in alone. You sent one of your minions to be with him didnt you to help make another Vday bad for me didnt you? I will get even. I swear I will. (Reply to this)

	Ultimate Evil Tool (Anonymous) 2003-02-18 10:08 am UTC (link)
	This link translates any regular text into a 12-year-old AOLer. The ultimate in evil accessories. Doing my part to keep America evil. http://ssshotaru.homestead.com/files/aolertranslator.html (Reply to this)

	sadeyeschloe 2003-02-18 11:29 am UTC (link)
	Figures evil's all down with the internet. (Reply to this)

	(Anonymous) 2003-02-18 09:33 pm UTC (link)
	What's with waiting a week between posts? C'mon, I know you're busy but it's boring checking the site every day and finding nothing new. (Reply to this)

Bah, Humbug, Indeed

ghost_lilah
2003-02-19 07:11 am UTC (link)

At least you were alive for Valentine's Day. Well, sort of. Okay, at least you weren't *very* dead and watching your former... whatever snuggled up with some Twig. Perhaps you wouldn't mind sending one of those Turok Han you've got stockpiled over here to LA? Wolfram and Hart is still fully operational on the inhuman and incorporeal planes, and would be glad to pay all shipping and handling charges. Also, would like to ask if you know who *is* running the show in LA- I hope you weren't the one responsible for Cordelia stabbing me in the neck.

(Reply to this)

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