thefirstevil: LA Way

The First (

thefirstevil) wrote,
@ 2003-01-24 18:33:00

LA Way
What with all the "excitement" - using term loosely - of Tuesday night and travelling to the clinic to collect the Harbingers (suspect annoying amount of hugging, growing and sharing went on in my absence: not healthy), had completely forgotten to check in on developments LA-wise. Luckily my Beast thought to send status report.

**
From: ops@dada.org ("Demon Academy of Dramatic Arts")
To: firstevildarknessfears@hotmail.com
Subj: LA Update

Hi there! Just thought that as my employer (thanks again, by the way, I truly appreciate the work), I should give you the "low-down" on what I've been up to this week. You'll be glad to hear that Wolfram and Hart is no more! Yep, I killed 'em all good (if you could just overlook some minor zombies, but I'm pretty sure that wasn't my fault). I nearly had that scrawny teen you've been after, too, but thought I should lay off killing him until I hear from you, o mostly-all-knowing one.

Incidentally, I wondered if you could clear up a few questions about my motivation? Right now I'm going for "carnage-causing glee" with a dash of malice and psychopathy on the side, but it'd really help me out. I'm more of a "Method" Beast.

Hope this is what you were after!

Henry ("The Beast")

**

He destroyed W&H? Rats. I meant him to go after that other evil law-firm - the one that used to be on television, with that very skinny girl and the dancing baby. Oh well. Probably should start looking for new attorney. Just as well, since Ms. Morgan seemed to be spending most of her time with Angel's ex-watcher friend. Taking down his briefs, no doubt. So unprofessional when people put their sex lives ahead of their commitment to evil.

Anyway, must go - meeting Lloyd for cocktails at eight.

(Post a new comment)

	Humble suggestion (Anonymous) 2003-01-24 10:51 am UTC (link)
	Perhaps when you write back to Henry, you could suggest that real Beasts who enjoy the whole "carnage causing glee" thing should not KNOCK POLITELY ON PEOPLES DOORS?! I mean, first Obie, then Henry! I swear, they all probably skipped Breaking and Entering 101 at DADA. Spitefully Yours, Abulia (Reply to this)

	you know philthehenchman 2003-01-24 10:51 am UTC (link)
	Instead of making these complicated plans why not jsut attack Buffy while she taking a dump or something. No one can't fight like that. Attack her why she half way finish. Or do it to the other SIT's. Do a spell where they all get the case of $hits. Can I say that. I know this the board of evil but dirty words goes beyond evil (Reply to this)

	amy_de_ratted 2003-01-24 11:44 am UTC (link)
	I meant him to go after that other evil law-firm - the one that used to be on television, with that very skinny girl and the dancing baby. I believe that law firm is on the East Coast, and I think it's already been rather effectively destroyed by the wonderful people at Fox. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	hexyhex 2003-01-26 06:41 pm UTC (link)
	.... Hole crap! Fox is a product of the first evil, isn't it?? It's so obvious! Why didn't I see it before?? (Reply to this)(Parent)

(Anonymous)
2003-01-24 12:02 pm UTC (link)

Anyway, must go - meeting Lloyd for cocktails at eight. Good for you, FE! Swallow that pride, and get back into the world! One can only mourn the loss of a beloved minion for so long; glad to see you're doing better. But now, onto the big question: What ARE you going to wear? (Or, more accurately, who.) Just remember, your loyal followers are going to want details of this outing, so you'd better give us the scoop. Have fun!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

	What to wear (Anonymous) 2003-01-24 01:45 pm UTC (link)
	I'm thinking that a nice Spike number would be good. Black leather pants, Blue sweater or better black shirt and black leather, or no shirt at all. Or maybe----Sorry, I have to go be alone now . . . . What is "The Essence of Stone"? see Amazon.com (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: What to wear (Anonymous) 2003-01-24 06:48 pm UTC (link)
	Nah... the bad-accent Texas blonde chick is better. Guys really go for that sweet, demure, entrails-wouldn't-melt-in-my-mouth look. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	Did you mean... teddycat 2003-01-24 01:12 pm UTC (link)
	that law firm with the guy from Clash of the Titans? Why would you want to destroy them? They're obviously working on your side. I mean, anyone who can shove that 2nd season Doctor Lady from Star Trek:TNG down an open elevator shaft can't be working on the side of goodness and light, ya know? (Reply to this)

	paratti 2003-01-24 03:15 pm UTC (link)
	Maybe Henry could use the scrawny annoying lawyer as to dip into the blood? Bit of crunch to go with it. And how about using the Bringers explosive skills to take out the Summers house with Semtex and a few fragmentation grenades? Should speed things up nicely. Yours admiringly, Evil and proud of it! (Reply to this)

Good to see you have priorities.

butterflykiki
2003-01-24 05:24 pm UTC (link)

So unprofessional when people put their sex lives ahead of their commitment to evil.

Anyway, must go - meeting Lloyd for cocktails at eight.

See, this good. I'm so relieved that you're not letting Lloyd get in the way of putting out the sun. Although I have to admit, I didn't expect it to be hidden inside a Superball.

So? Who are you going as? Is this a coffee-and-chat thing, or a movie-and-dinner-and-carnage thing? Details, chica, details! I want to know who to avoid pissing off in West Hollywood.

Kiki

(Reply to this)(Thread)

	Re: Good to see you have priorities. poisonedpen 2003-01-24 05:53 pm UTC (link)
	Our dear FE would be wise to watch himself around that two-timer Lloyd. He comes on all sweetnees and dark, but once you're sucked in? It's hasta la vista, heart. Suddenly, he won't return your calls anymore and all the blood sacrifices and offerings will dry up. Trust me. I've been there. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	lilah_morgan 2003-01-24 09:10 pm UTC (link)
	I'll have you know it was mostly in the interests of corruptive morals. (Reply to this)

	TFE... (Anonymous) 2003-01-24 09:57 pm UTC (link)
	Just found out the beasts been bought off from ya, thought you should know if you didnt already... He is no longer working for you, sorry. Armius the Manwitch (Reply to this)

W&H
zombie_gavin
2003-01-24 11:46 pm UTC (link)

Yep, I killed 'em all good (if you could just overlook some minor zombies, but I'm pretty sure that wasn't my fault).

Even if the reanimation process wasn't as a result of anything The Beast did, I definitely didn't appreciate the whole neck-breaking portion of the evening. I was a loyal servant of evil for several years and I think I deserved a death that was a little more inspired. I put in thousands of man-hours, not to mention selling my SOUL, so at the very least, I think a ritual murder would have been in order.

And who is he calling a "minor" zombie?

(Reply to this)

I give up
(Anonymous)
2003-01-25 10:36 pm UTC (link)

For a very long time I always rooted for Buffy and the Scooby Gang to kick your ass as well as all the other demons, vampires and hellgods and send you back where you came from. Today I changed my mind. I think you should win. I think you should take Buffy and all her freinds and non-SNITs and take them out of thier misery. They are a sad, pathetic lot and I don't care to root for them anymore.

While I could give a longwinded explanation about the various factors that have reduced some of my favorite evil-fighters into the sad pathetic shells of their formselves which would also include flowcharts and diagrams illustarating that vampires without souls are funnier and sexier and dress better.

But instead I can sum my feelings up into one sentiment. While there has been no study done I belive that being good will only leave a person depressed and miserable, while being evil gives a person a sense of whimsy and humor. After all your journal entriess and witty and erudite while the scooby gang's are poorly written and depressing. I would be glad to whip those wussies into a pulp if that means they will stop whining and feeling sorry for themselves. Besides I can do a really good evil laugh. And I am good at coming up with feindish plans. I also practice good hygeine. Please consider me as an uppwardly-mobile minion in your ranks.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: I give up

holden_vamp
2003-01-26 12:40 pm UTC (link)

I tend to agree with you on most points; I too wish for the untimely demise of the "Scoobies," but that's because I'm evil. I also believe that some of them are extremely conflicted about what side of the evil-fence they fall on, which is of course terribly disappointing for those of us waiting on the sidelines for one FE to get its act together and start the slaughter. Anything you can do to tip them back to the evil-team will be greatly appreciated.

As to your suggestion of a study about good and evil psychology, my God! anonymous person, that's brilliant! As soon as I get out of my current predicament I will begin looking into it. I wonder if it will involve torturing "good" people? I can certainly make sure that it does...

Thank you for being so pro-evil. Any little bit helps the home team. Although please don't be so hard on the others; they're just good--they can't help it if they tend towards daisies and puppies and being nice. We must be kind to be cruel, you know?

Yours, Holden Webster

(Reply to this)(Parent)

Hmm - How much is Cordelia paying you these days ?

(Anonymous)
2003-01-25 11:04 pm UTC (link)

Dear First Evil,

You do realize that you are getting your payments from Cordelia Chase - the Queen of Mean ?
Only someone who spent most of high school being a bitch could be evil enough to make the world a darker place. Taking her ruthless plans from the likes of daytime soap villain - Stefano DiMera - Cordelia has decided that not having enough money to live on is no fun and taking over the world is a hell of a lot better.

Love
Cordelia Chase's little sister Spiked Angel

(Reply to this)

	Fate of the Orb (Anonymous) 2003-01-29 09:57 am UTC (link)
	What goes in the mouth tends to come out. Are you going to make Henry wash the orb off and messenger it to you by jet-pack flying monkeys or is it okay if he just flushes it? I mean, I know that Angel runs around the sewers, but what are the odds he'd run into the right one before the orb is on its way out to sea? (Reply to this)

	(Anonymous) 2003-02-07 09:12 am UTC (link)
	I always liked the approach of brain suck first, snap necks later. It has a certain oomph that you lack with regular homicide, don't you think so? I'm so happy for you and Lloyd. If he ends up babbling about big days...just ignore him, kay? ~ Glorificus (Reply to this)

(Reply from suspended user)

Mini Sitemap:

Username:		Create an Account Forgot your login? Login w/ OpenID
Password:
	Remember Me
	English • Español • Deutsch • Русский…