thefirstevil: Why do these things happen to me? It isn't even Tuesday

The First (

thefirstevil) wrote,
@ 2003-01-17 22:56:00

Current mood:	aggravated
Current music:	the Temptations

Why do these things happen to me? It isn't even Tuesday
My Harbinger research group are acting v. strangely. Lots of chanting going on, but so far no actual locating getting done. Also we seem to have acquired literally thousands of candles.

The Bringers seem to be enjoying this spell business a little too much. Suspicious amount of giggling and falling over going on, and if any of them had pupils, almost certain they'd be dilated. Will look into this myself.

LATER

Magic is addictive?

Did I miss a memo?!

STILL LATER

Well, this is peachy. With a Slayer line to wipe out, I have to ship half my Harbingers to the Betty Ford clinic (Mrs. Ford most helpful in getting last-minute cancellations: must remember to try the "morphing into dead president" routine in future emergencies). Tried the local help groups, but Spellcasters Anonymous could only provide a semi-sympathetic nod and a "So Your Minion's a Junkie" pamphlet. And while I was reading it, the little spell-heads knocked off a store downtown. Not against armed robbery per se - all evil is good evil, after all, except where Regis Philbin involved - but holding up the Little Shop of Herbers and stealing all the sage is embarrassingly lame for henchbeings of ultimate evil.

Will be glad to get them into the clinic. They've gone through eight hundred and thirty bottles of mineral water in the last three hours. At first, suspected they were trying to look trendy and health-conscious, but now getting quite worried. Really can't afford all that bottled water.

Probably no update tomorrow, since as their employer I have to attend group therapy with them. Evil used to be so much easier.

(Post a new comment)

	princessheacock 2003-01-17 03:03 pm UTC (link)
	You perhaps should have talked to the Prime EVil of 2002 more before you made your plans. ...Oops. Sorry. Forgot. You can't. You're trying to kill her best friend. (Reply to this)

	elz 2003-01-17 03:12 pm UTC (link)
	Magic is addictive? And here I thought that was your doing... (Reply to this)(Thread)

	allah_sulu 2003-01-17 03:18 pm UTC (link)
	Did magic exist before evil or vice versa? (Reply to this)(Parent)

	the23rdevil 2003-01-17 03:19 pm UTC (link)
	FE, whatever you do, DON'T let them near human turn rats or green-glowly-keys-turned-human. That's just asking for trouble then. And not the fun kind of trouble. Its more of the annoying saying of "I'm so juiced!" again and again. Its a real pain in the ass. ~The 23rd Evil (Reply to this)

_glorificus_
2003-01-17 03:27 pm UTC (link)

Back in the days before the politically correct wave, an Evil (whether demon, hellgod, or primeval source of all darkness) could simply order her minions around and abuse them at his or her whim. Ever since the PC revolution (which I think had some demonic influence?), minions have been demanding respect, 401Ks, and full dental. Makes having minions rather time-consuming, but without them, no evil mastermind can survive.

Minions. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

	avantard 2003-01-17 03:52 pm UTC (link)
	worst. glory. impersonation. ever. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	lilah_morgan 2003-01-18 10:01 am UTC (link)
	Who said she was doing an impersonation? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	avantard 2003-01-19 09:13 pm UTC (link)
	har har fantasy boy. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	lilah_morgan 2003-01-24 09:07 pm UTC (link)
	Speak for yourself bitch... (Reply to this)(Parent)

	red_witch 2003-01-17 03:29 pm UTC (link)
	Magic is addictive? Did I miss a memo?! This is what happens when you cut off your studying of past Big Bad encounters after the mayor, and don't get around to studying last year! I can refer your Harbingers to a good treatment program, though it tends to involve being all wholesome and getting in touch with nature and the spirit of the earth as a whole. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	the23rdevil 2003-01-17 05:38 pm UTC (link)
	I thought that program was in England. Do you think that the First can afford all those plane tickets or kill that many flight attendants? i mean, killing flight attendents is like killing your own side, because they are purely evil. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	Hmm. _bizarre_kid_ 2003-01-17 03:44 pm UTC (link)
	Maybe you should ask thefirstgood for some advice.. Or maybe he could build you a *barbie cookie fort... >_< ~Teeya (Reply to this)

	bottled water... jumpsteady 2003-01-17 03:48 pm UTC (link)
	>>Will be glad to get them into the clinic. They've gone through eight hundred and thirty bottles of mineral water in the last three hours. At first, suspected they were trying to look trendy and health-conscious, but now getting quite worried. Really can't afford all that bottled water.<< Evil Tip #634 : Refill empty designer water bottles with tap water. (Reply to this)

Hi?

clem_the_demon
2003-01-17 05:38 pm UTC (link)

I was just passing through and noticed that you were kind of at the center of things. I don't want to bother you or anything, you know, because you seem pretty busy, but I'd like to check in with Spike if you see him around. I understand that he's been spending a lot more time with you than me lately.

It's no big deal, you seem to have a pretty nice thing here, and I understand why he'd hang out with you, but if he drops by again, could you tell him that I've been taking care of his crypt, and, um, well... I'd just like to tell him "hi."

If it's no trouble.

So. Well, I'll be seeing you around. Thanks.

(Reply to this)

	xdawnsummersx 2003-01-17 05:48 pm UTC (link)
	Hey, that sage is pretty damn threatening, thankyouverymuch. Molly might try to cook something with it or something. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	Sage + My Cooking = Baddness all around mollyintraining 2003-01-17 11:50 pm UTC (link)
	Very much agree with Dawn. My cooking very lethal.. particulary when it involves sage.. might make the other SITs far more whinny.. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	shaman_bob 2003-01-17 06:53 pm UTC (link)
	I had a little problem with magic addiction and have formulated a patch to control it. Let me know if you have an interst for your minions to give it a whirl. (Reply to this)

	immortalslayer 2003-01-17 07:19 pm UTC (link)
	So that's what happened to all the leftover candles from the Wrapped Around Your Finger video by The Police. (Reply to this)

ex_devilpigl935
2003-01-17 09:28 pm UTC (link)

I'm very concerned about the Harbingers' current affliction. As we live (or...not) in a lawsuit-happy society, a question looms heavily on my mind: as their employer, will you be responsible if the boys accidentally do good while under the magical influence? Vicarious liability is a concept that has been embraced by the courts, and I'm afraid that your 'incorporeal being' status will merely be viewed as just another excuse for being unable to appear. Speaking of, I know Bobby Brown wanted to get together with you while he's in town.

(Reply to this)

	lots42 2003-01-18 01:47 am UTC (link)
	Well, they had to get the sage from somewhere as Sunnydale's local source for 'stuff to use for evil spells' got blowed up by a certain Red Haired witchie-poo. (Reply to this)

	(Anonymous) 2003-01-18 07:30 am UTC (link)
	Magic isn't addictive per se; DARK magicks are. So, you know, if your minions were on the good side, no problem. It's just one of the costs of business when you're evil. At least you didn't have this problem on a Tuesday. That could have been bad. Or good, depending on who's side I'm on. ~~ Enigmatic (Reply to this)

	Don't Worry About Magic Addiction... (Anonymous) 2003-01-18 10:31 am UTC (link)
	Magic is only addictive when certain demented writers are in the vicinity (COUGH Marti Noxon COUGH). Besides, if magic is addictive, then Giles spent two years being a pusher and that means he's evil which means you've got the Ripper on your side. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	Re: Don't Worry About Magic Addiction... watcher_diaries 2003-10-23 02:44 am UTC (link)
	That isn't precisely the case - all Watchers-Council approved mojos carry a government health warning. (They also tend to be heavily taxed as a deterrent, in UK.) (Reply to this)(Parent)

To Cheer You Up, FE
(Anonymous)
2003-01-18 11:39 am UTC (link)

My Magical Evil Overlord song (to the tune of "Oh, What a Beautiful Morning" from "Oklahoma" and be grateful that YOUR sister wasn't in the community theater production...)

There are big nasty monsters in the moat,
There are big nasty monsters in the moat,
My lackeys all toil as they boil up the oil,
My dragon is winged and his tail loves to coil...

Oh, what lovely preparations!
Those heroes just won't survive,
My wizards, my traps, and my archers,
No matter how hard they strive!

Oh, my cackle rings out through my castle!
Oh, my cackle rings out through my castle!
My undead have emerged, from coffins they have surged,
Soon of heroes my life happily will be purged!

Those fools dare to approach me,
Nearing their defeat and end!
My torturers are licking their lips,
I've important matters to tend.

Oh, I've a glorious, oh, I've a vicious,
Wonderfully EEEVIL plan!

Ann Nichols

(Reply to this)(Thread)

	Magical evil overlord Song (Anonymous) 2003-01-18 04:43 pm UTC (link)
	You do see where this is heading? Influence of Singindemon's spreading, Now I've got invoked online. You'll all be singing all the time! SD (Reply to this)(Parent)

clem_the_demon
2003-01-18 01:24 pm UTC (link)

I just thought I'd let you know that I saw one of your Harbingers down at the 7-11 eating a bag of pork rinds. I love pork rinds myself, but I think his eye-sockets were a little dialated, so you may want to swing by to pick him up on your way to the clinic.

If you've ever got some free time (I know you don't really) you could stop by and play Jenga. Oh, except for that whole incorporeal thing. Geez, that a tough break, huh?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

	Clem's hideout (Anonymous) 2003-01-18 04:49 pm UTC (link)
	If you want to really incite 'em, You could try singin when you invite 'em, (er... choke ... could you just ..choke ... get this kitten off me? I'm allergic and it .... wheeze, wheeze, wheeze!..........) (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

Re: Clem's hideout

holden_vamp
2003-01-18 05:54 pm UTC (link)

I'm not sure he's reading you properly. Perhaps when approaching someone of a certain delicate personality like his, poetry is not quite sufficient in making yourself clear.

Remember the first rule of open lines of communication is clarity, followed by a genuine interest in fostering open dialogue. Clem seems to be of a quiet nature; perhaps he doesn't quite have the optimal personal skills to discuss this singing invitational you are suggesting.

I'll drop in on Clem and discuss putting away the kittens when company arrives. He's a good guy (or bad--the jury's still out on that one), but sometimes a little backwards when it comes to social interaction.

Yours from the couch, Holden

(Reply to this)(Parent)

	(Anonymous) 2003-01-18 04:59 pm UTC (link)
	What's this talk of affording bottles of water? You're EVIL... just TAKE it! And as for the bringers, the addiction to magic could work out in your favor. It caused Red over there in the rival camp to go bonkers and try to bring an end to the world. This can't be a bad thing for our side. Let them loose and see what happens... the 332nd evil (Reply to this)

	Don't knock magic addiction evil_willow 2003-01-18 06:09 pm UTC (link)
	It's what made me the scary,veiny Willow I am today. The dark side is powerful,which is why I still exist,not only to smite What's his name and Rupert,the snippy Watcher but to glory in the upcoming end of days(not referring to lame Arnold Schwarzenegger movie)>:) (Reply to this)(Thread)

	Re: Don't knock magic addiction (Anonymous) 2003-01-19 01:15 am UTC (link)
	pounce huggles the person who knocked Marti Oh, and Whoo hoo. Evil Willow. worships the evilness You rock. Very much so indeed. votes for evil willow in the 'Top Evil of 2003 Award' (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: Don't knock magic addiction evil_willow 2003-01-20 05:25 am UTC (link)
	Thanks for the love and groveling but will gladly give up Top Evil competiton if the FE wants to play hardball with me-using Andrew's head as the ball of course>:D. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	Re: Don't knock magic addiction (Anonymous) 2003-01-19 05:42 am UTC (link)
	Yeah, she was alright. I still wanna put my bid in for whoever cast Chloe. If I see that rainbow beret one more time, I'm gonna hurl in my evil wastebasket. the 332nd evil (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: Don't knock magic addiction (Anonymous) 2003-01-19 06:25 am UTC (link)
	Vi is the SIT with the matching sweater/hat sets. Chloe is the SIT who said she was too young to be a slayer. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	Re: Don't knock magic addiction the23rdevil 2003-01-19 07:00 am UTC (link)
	Hey! I like the hat! Don't diss the hat. Because someone obviously evil made that hat. And there are 332 evils? Last time I counted, it was 22 + moi (though half of them were techno geeks with glow-in-the-dark skin and a craving for pringles) (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: Don't knock magic addiction (Anonymous) 2003-01-19 09:58 pm UTC (link)
	Whoopsie... my bad... I meant Vi, then... oh, wait, what do I care? They're both equally as forgettable/annoying, anyway. There are many evils in this world, 23rd evil. Microsoft, spam, those deceptively 'fat-free' cookies. I am a fairly recent evil. I do not, however, glow, nor to I crave Pringles. (Reply to this)(Parent)

ok "First"
(Anonymous)
2003-01-19 06:57 pm UTC (link)

Hey you, First! Ok, I am Mr. Gordo, Buff's truest friend! Here to tell ya to oinkin' leave my Buff alone! No you don't know me, and since I'm not dead you can't BE me either, so don't get all excited. In fact since I seem to be a recently-animated inanimate animal... yeah lost myself there too. But let me tell you I have heard of you, and you are SAD my friend, SAD! No wonder your eyeball-less flunkies are all nuts, you DROVE 'em that way! Give 'em the damn bottled water, it's the least you can do! Oinkin' First evil my curly-tailed butt.

(Reply to this)

	backfromspace 2003-01-19 08:01 pm UTC (link)
	Question. What is the First Evil's position on hot gay sex? (Reply to this)(Thread)

	thefirstevil 2003-01-20 09:11 am UTC (link)
	Strongly in favor. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	if you really, really want to conquer the world... (Anonymous) 2003-01-20 08:46 am UTC (link)
	You should marry the First Good and claim your righteous position as the First Couple. Right-right? Ok, I am an agent of PTB, but really you should consider this. Things are going so Wrong. (Reply to this)

	Heh... (Anonymous) 2003-01-21 04:38 pm UTC (link)
	Heh..sage... Heh..tree... Heh..death... Heh..heh... (Reply to this)

	(Anonymous) 2003-01-21 04:40 pm UTC (link)
	Fear the sage... (Reply to this)

	Morphing into Dead Presidents... (Anonymous) 2003-01-23 10:46 am UTC (link)
	Ummm...Mr. First Evil Sir...hate to bring this up, but... GERALD FORD IS NOT DEAD!!! (Reply to this)(Thread)

	Re: Morphing into Dead Presidents... (Anonymous) 2003-01-25 12:07 pm UTC (link)
	you could have fooled me... (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: Morphing into Dead Presidents... (Anonymous) 2007-02-13 08:56 pm UTC (link)
	Four years later, now he's dead. (Reply to this)(Parent)

(Reply from suspended user)

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